Birth Control

The following blog is written by my husband, the best daddy around. I do regret to inform you, however, that there are no pictures to serve as evidence for the following events.



It’s come to my attention that Erin’s witty banter and cute photography of our boys may have an unintended result – baby envy. If “the truth will set you free” then I feel compelled to free you up from any misconceptions that we may have created via this blog.

Just beneath the surface of those cute little smiles and big blue eyes is a crazy world of diapers, formula vomits, unexplained freak-outs, and frequent obsessions with stuffed ducks. It’s true. Our case study for “the truth about kids” could be tonight (or any other evening on a given week, or weekend). After a routine dinner of food tossing and multi-tasking for mom and dad, we determined to divide and conquer: dad takes the crazy blonde one, mom grabs little crazy-in-training. The following events are real and unimbellished. For those of you considering parenthood, consider this a warning shot across the bow.

Raw butt syndrome may not be on WebMD but dad discovered that when your little boy has “the syndrome” you can’t use baby wipes. Nope, that logic doesn’t hold. Baby wipes apparently sting and your kid just may freak out and wind up with poop (I’m sorry, couldn’t come up with an acceptible or alternative word that did the situation justice) on his hands.

Once panic sets in… you find yourself in the bathroom w/a screaming 2 year old and a general paranoia that maybe you have poop on yourself too. Just then Jack announces “pee pee” and takes a leak on the floor. Mom to the rescue… “Grab a wet hand towel and wipe him down before you put him in the tub.” All good advice, until little crazy-in-training (Finn) keeps mom humble with a shot of his own and mom gets peed on. I’m 100% convinced that they plan this stuff.

It’s a bit like Dancing with the Stars, only you’re not dancing and your partner is insanity. That’s not to say that insanity is necessarily bad. It has its perks. You’ll fall madly in love with kids that pee on you… and the floor. They’ll captivate your heart and you’ll never be the same, in a crazy fantastic sort of way. Right now, we’re just hoping we get 4 hours of uninterupted sleep tonight. (and by “we” I mean Erin)