Roscoe P. Housetrained (Or Not)

There is a time for everything; and a season for every activity under the heavens. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1

From April 2012 to March 2013, the Ussery Jr. household experienced a season of Roscoe.

And before you get weepy on me, please note that the sweet lug you see below has not died.  

He is in his happiest state yet living with his original owner and trainer on a farm in North Carolina.

(Which "happens" to be about 15 minutes from my parents house!)

Here's the story of Roscoe and why he is no longer with us...

Roscoe came to us from family friends.  He was in need of some human interaction.

And if there is something our household is good for, it's human interaction.

We were grieving Scout but were ready to fill the void in our lives that only a pooch can fill. 

And my hair ball vacuuming biceps had atrophied greatly.  

So, we saw Roscoe as a great opportunity. 

But after a couple of months, his old age seemed to catch up with him.

And his hind quarters couldn't hold on to it's contents as well as one would hope.

And what I mean by that is......

he pooped in the house.

A lot.

In amount and frequency.

In his sleep.  In Finn's bed.

And despite diet changes, veterinary consults, frequent walks and sweet talking, the poor guy continued to have trouble with this. 

We considered an electrical fence so he could freely roam and relieve.

But while an electrical fence would keep him in, it would not keep our backyard reptile friend out.

So, we purchased a lot of carpet cleaner and forged on. 

Until one day when this little tyke found a Roscoe treasure in the house and picked it up. 

Ew.  I know.

So, yes.  Kids pick things up.  Dogs lose control.  These are two natural things in and of themselves.

But the two do not always mix well together.  

After several weeks of prepping the kids and putting some feelers out there for a good home for our black beauty, the heavens opened up and we learned that Roscoe's original trainer (Roscoe was a hot shot hunting dog back in his prime) was ready for a companion dog. 

So our season of Roscoe came to a bittersweet end.

I really wasn't excited to blog about Roscoe.  Not because I'm bitter about the stained carpets. Or because Jack might see some pictures of him and cry (which he might and that's okay), but because I do feel like we failed him somehow. 

And because I was excited to have a sweet, lasting relationship with him.  And that was cut short.

(And because the pet adoption/rescue people will look on us with scorn.  Much like the volunteer lady at the local pet rescue farm who heard about our situation and politely (sarcasm) suggested that we might best be suited to get a stuffed animal instead of a real, breathing, poop machine.  Clearly she did not see the episode of "Strange Addictions" where the couple who couldn't have a baby started collecting Cabbage Patch Kid dolls and ended up hosting playdates with their "son" whom they spoke for in baby talk.)

We will revisit dogdom at some point.  

Perhaps when we have invested in some hardwoods.

And maybe when Charlie exits the pick up everything and put it in your mouth age.

Until then...we will visit our ol' boy down at the farm!

We'll just watch where we step:)

If you Give a Boy an Oyster

If you give a boy an oyster...

there is a 100% chance that he will note that it looks like a booger.

Or poop.

Or snot.  

Because that's what boys do.  

If you give a boy (even a little tiny baby boy) something to climb on, he will climb to the highest spot and jump.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

If a little brother becomes a big brother one day, he will dress his unsuspecting baby brother in goofy costumes.

And then blame it on the big brother.

If you give three boys some popcorn and a football game, maybe....just maybe

 they will sit still long enough for you to unload the dishwasher.

If you leave Finn alone with some paper and a pen, there is a decent chance he will leave you a little note.

Not a musical note.

Not a love note.

But something along these lines....

Yep. 

Butt Face.

A little note he left on his Poppy Johnny's desk one night.

Awww.

If you give a boy a brother, he'll probably really dislike him sometimes, jerk toys from his hands, not take turns, push him, tattle on him, tell him he's going to take pictures of him eating boogers and send it to his friends, moon him, and drink the last sip of his favorite Gatorade. 

(all happened today)

But there will be moments when he's not that bad.

And his legs might be long enough to push the swing for the two of you.

And if you give a mom a son, she might just want another one. 

Aaaaand.... then another one.

All we know around here is boy.  

And it can really wear us the heck out sometimes.

Fart and butt are woven so effortlessly into conversation that I rarely even notice anymore.

If someone made a movie about us, the soundtrack wouldn't consist of actual songs, but just a basketball bouncing.  And a few burps.

Rumor has it machine pitch baseball players have to wear cups this year.  Jack is playing machine pitch.  BLEH!

I have literally found two dead frogs in my car.  At different times.

I could keep going, but I will stop there.

Because it's plain to see:

Boys are awesome.

Yuletidal

Christmas is FUN.  

Parties.  School performances.  Gifts.  Giving.  Decorations.  Christmas Lights. (Aside: Christmas lights make everything look amazing: homes, trees, your face.  WHY are they reserved for only a month or so out of the year?  They are white, so they're not season specific. Anyone feel me on this?)

Christmas is ROUTINE.

There you are again.  At the office party.  In the same house as last year.  You're talking to someone's husband.  You don't know his name.  Then you think, "Oh shoot. I'm pretty sure I wore this same outfit last year." So you say forget it and eat another sausage ball.

Christmas is SACRED.

God gave us His Son.  It's His birthday.  Yet that gets lost in the shuffle, doesn't it? 

Christmas is NOSTALGIC.

Even though you're married and have your own family to bake and buy for, you still think of your family back home.  You wonder what they're doing at the family get togethers.  You're jealous that they're likely wearing sweaters because they actually need to.  Meanwhile you're making your own tradition of building a sandman instead of a snowman.  

Christmas 2012 was all of these things and more.  We couldn't ignore the blessings we were given, big and small, and we will always look back with fondness of the memories we made.  

Here are a few.  Just so we can remember!

Finn was especially into the Christmas spirit this year.  He proudly showed this picture he colored and said: 

"I totally Gangnam styled this tree, Mom."

The proverbial terrible Santa photo.  

Poor Charlie looks like he has been hypnotized.

When Finn learned that Santa was making an appearance at school, he disappeared into his room and returned with this outfit.  

Well played, my friend.

Santa #2:  Bluffton Academy.

Charlie came out of his hypnotic state and peeked.

The boys and I traveled to Greensboro for a few days before Christmas.  

This was the first time in years that we have been home for our family gatherings.  

I have always missed attending these.  I just hadn't realized how much.

One afternoon, we swept cousin Ava up for some Christmas crafting and Krispy Kreme-ing.

At one point, she looked up at me and with little emotion simply stated, "I'm having fun."

No smile. No frills.  Just the plain ol' truth. 

Love that girl. 

Mantle posing with the cousins. 

Yes, Charlie wore suspenders.

Uncle Matt transformed into a human train for all of the cousins.  

Every family needs an Uncle Matt.

I can't remember him leaving a family event where he wasn't drenched in sweat.

Santa #3: 

This Santa surprised the cousins on Christmas Eve at Gigi's house.  

He didn't mess around.

He showed the kids a pretty detailed list of their Naughties and Nicies.

The car ride home was the best behaved all year.  They weren't quite sure where the chips would fall.

And finally, the event we've all been shopping for:

CHRISTMAS MORNING!

(This is where I would have put the photo of the boys waking up and being surprised, but they beat us to the chase and we missed it.  #Christmasmorningphotofail)

This was one of Charlie's gifts.  

It looks like a circus on wheels.  

Pretty ridiculous(ly cute).

 It was a fun morning. 

Seeing their smiles.

Their newfound manners that are a result of pure giddiness.

Two thumbs up.

John's favorite gift of the day was his Stamey's shirt.  

And yes, he is still smokin'.

Jack lost his two front teeth.

And don't worry.  His face did not melt this Christmas.

It's his favorite party trick.

One of the few cool things that comes with wearing glasses.

Holiday Hammocking with cousin Austin. 

His personality matches his cuteness.

New Years Eve was pretty lame. 

I wasn't aware that the boys even knew what was going on, so I took the easy way out and didn't plan a thing.  Around noon that day, Jack asked, "So what do you have planned for tonight since it's New Year's Eve?"

Uh?

Thankfully I purchased some brownie mix months ago and Return of the Jedi happened to come on that night. 

Crisis averted.

Happy New Year.

So, 2013, what's in store?!?!?

I Still Want a HUUULA HOOP...

I love some lyric confusion.  Like REALLY love it.  (i.e. Hold me closer Tony Danza as opposed to Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.)  Well...

(Just in case you needed a visual.  Can't you just hear him saying, "Angeluh?" or "Sumanthuh?)

Finn and I were driving down the road last week, rocking out to some Alvin and the Chipmunks.  I'm not sure of the exact song title, but it's the one that goes, "I still want a huuuula hooop....We can hardly stand the wait. Please Christmas don't be late." The song was on repeat and we had listened to it probably 3-4 times at this point.  Long enough for my throat to be a little sore from trying to sing like the Chipmunks.  Finn graciously took over so I didn't have to break out the Chloraseptic, and here is his rendition:

"We can hardly stand the wait. Please Christmas Dongey Day."

E: "Finn.  Dongey Day?"

F:  "Uh...yeah. (Eye roll to signify idiot mom.)

E:  "Do you mean Donkey Day?" (not that this changes things too much, but donkey definitely trumps whatever dongey is, and knowing Finn he would somehow link it to the census in the Bible and how it's possible that Mary had to ride a donkey to Bethlehem.)

F:  "No.  That wouldn't make any sense."

E:  "Then please explain Dongey Day to me."

F:  "Easy.  It's like when they say 'We can hardly stand the wait please Christmas Dongey Day."

E:  "OK"

I then went on to explain to Finnster that he reminded me a little bit of Alvin.  The characteristics I chose to tell him about were his leadership abilities, creativity and enthusiasm.  The parts I left out may or may not have included the word mischief.  Because that would have thrilled him.  After laughing on the inside at the fact that Finn can drive me mad sometimes...I kind of love the fact that he is an Alvin type.  Every family has an Alvin, and while you'll complain how nutty the Alvin-type can make you...you wouldn't have it any other way.

Then it dawned on me.  Oh. my. word.  Not only had I given birth to an Alvin, but a Simon:

The guy who keeps us all in line, sees the world in black in white, is pretty dang smart, and if our kids were performing artists like the Chipmunks, he would be the one to get us to the concerts on time.  Just like Simon.

Oh, yeah, and he's tall and wears glasses and coincidentally a lot of blue.  

And we can't leave out Theodore.  

The chubby little guy who waddles along behind the gang.  Sweet spirited and loves to eat.  Hates wearing pants.  Our sweet sweet Charlie.

This discovery led to several other thoughts:

1.  Am I Dave?  Is John Dave?

2.  WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS AT HALLOWEEN!?!?

3.  Is this our future?.....

( I can already tell you, I'm not going to like that sassy one in the pink. )

  

John and I love to talk about our boys' differences.  We experience their uniqueness on a daily basis.  Several days ago, Jack came to us and asked us to spell "eternally" for him.  He was writing a love note to his kindergarten teacher from last year.  Finn came to us less than a minute later and asked us to spell, "bomb exploding".  He was creating a crime scene and thankfully explained that he was the cop who would save everyone from harm. Whew.

Thank you, Lord, that we're not all the same.  That would be a disaster.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Oh, and Happy Dongey Day.  Obviously.

And if you were curious, the amazing pictures of our boys were taken by Janet Powell of

Silly Goose Photography.  If you hail from Bluffton, you likely know her, but if you ever visit the area, she's a great one to call for some fun family photos!

Man, I'm the worst.  At many things (like home decorating, meal planning and admitting I'm wrong to name a few), but today I'm talking about blogging.  Today as I was searching google for "Christmas presents for parents" because I'm so creative and into the desires of others, the lightbulb turned on!  The tiny little Christmas tree light-sized lightbulb that now serves as my brain said, "Turn the blog posts into a book again!"  I did this for our parents a few years ago, and they loved it.  Why reinvent the wheel, right?  So, here I am, signed onto Blogger.  And I think I might have 20 posts to share since I printed the blog book a few years ago.  Twenty posts wouldn't make a book.  Not even a good children's book.  It would make pamphlet.  Maybe.  Not a tri-fold, but a front and back only.  Ugh.  

Family, I am so sorry.  I know it's hard living away from the boys and not seeing them very often.  I know you want to hear and remember their funny stories.  Truth is....I want to remember them, too.  So, here it is.  My 8th attempt at rekindling this blog fire.  I see you 2013, and I'm beating you to the resolution punchline.  It's December 12th, and I'm going to blog again.  Because if one more person tells me I should "write these things down" I want to look them in the eye and say, "I. AM."  

You'll notice the last post was titled something about Summer Catch Up 1 or something like that.  That would lead you to believe that there are more posts coming about summer, wouldn't it?  Yeah.  Me, too!  Sorry, though.  I'm not catching up.  I think that has led me to stop blogging in the past.  So many months to catch up.  So many things we did that were fun.  Let's face it.  Blogging about Summer vacation while sitting next to your Christmas tree is about as fun as watching The Polar Express in July.  From now on, those are the "lost months".  Instead of individual posts, here is a photo recap of the lost months.  And this will just have to do.  

We had a Staycation in Bluffton this year.  My family came for the week, and we had a blast.  We found the perfect beach spot and the perfect little beach bum to share it with.  (Ava-my niece, 2.5yrs when this was taken during the lost months)

I rode a mechanical bull.  

There may or may not have been a championship that night. 

I may or may not have won it. 

My UNC Sr. year roommates gathered for a reunion in June.  

7 ladies. 14 babies.  

Bazinga.

We celebrated the 4th.  That's Jack at the top of the climbing wall.  

Anna (my 1st cousin) visited for a week in July.  She is amazing and sweet and beautiful and a volleyball player and fun and hopefully planning on returning in 2013. :)

Jack was on the swim team this summer.  He loved it.  

He came in first in the city swim meet in the 25 yard backstroke. 

I screamed like an idiot. (think Howard Dean circa 2006)  

Jack had eye surgery on John's birthday (July 23rd).  They had to cut and tighten the outer muscles of his left eye in hopes to straighten it to improve his vision and depth perception and ultimately help his eyes to work together as they should.  So far, so good. 

He was a stellar patient.

On the same day, my sweet uncle, Tim, went home to heaven after a long battle with cancer.  He was a fighter.  He was so funny, so giving.  Christmas is coming, and I know he will be missed more than ever.  But I'm trying to focus on the fact that he's celebrating the birth of Christ with...well, Christ!  Please pray for peace and comfort for Adam and Lisa as they face their first Christmas without him.

The Ussery/Smiths gathered for the annual vacay at Lake Tillery.  

Cousins.  Nothing like it.

Jack turned 7.  Finn turned 5. 

We celebrated with the Gardner/Kincaid/Williams families at Lake Tillery.

Their favorite place on Earth.

My Dad turned 60, so we partied with his two favorite things: grandkids and UNC.  This was the boys' first college football game.  They felt so cool high five-ing the football team during their march to campus, and we felt so old being on campus with our three children.

Jackie got married.  (John's baby sis.)  We added Stephen Lee to the family as our new brother in law, and we couldn't be more excited.  The wedding was almost as beautiful as the bride:) Almost.

Charlie turned 1!

We went to Disney!  Gigi and Poppy Johnny were with us, and all had a great time. 

On December 1st, this hunky guy started a new job at Palmetto Bluff.  He's the newest member on the sales team.  Whenever you visit SC again, you have to visit Palmetto Bluff.  There's no place like it.  You will fall in love with it (and hopefully pick up a lot/house or two, right?:)

So there they are.  The lost months.  Here's to moving forward.